DSP

It’s been a while since I last posted. So much and so little has been going on. My mind is full of junk that I can’t seem to get rid of it. And when it’s full of junk none of it can be good. I need a good problem like torn between three men, or too much romance, or just down right freaky sex. I mean freaky!!!! I want to move and damn I want to moan and scream. But none of that is going to happen in the near future. May be I could throw something, anything that’s breakable, something that will shatter into tiny tiny fragments- never to be put together again. That’s about how my mind is splintered into pieces.

I want to love someone, and be loved by the same person. I don’t want to be in love with someone who is not in love with me and vice versus. I want that love to be passionate. I don’t want to settle, I want it all. I want to be able to argue and not be scared he is going to walk out the door and never come back. I want to be able to trust. I want to be in his thoughts; I want him to save a joke for me. I want him to be passionate about me.

I want to be a good friend to someone who can always count on me and I can always count on them. When the phone rings in the middle of the night I want them to know that I will always listen. I don’t want to feel like my problems are petty; occasionally I want to sit back and just drink a glass of wine and not discuss children or men all night. And I don’t want to watch Lifetime channel all night.

I want to be daring. I want to put a card on a man car and not worry that he won’t know it’s not from me. I want to be the woman at the bar, that men buy drinks for. I don’t won’t to wander why is he talking to me? Does he think I’m easy?

In the end I know that I am only me, some of things I am and some I am not. All I can be in the end is me. I want to be enough not just for the people in my life, but more importantly I want to be enough for me. My mind is no longer splintered.